Slump

It's a good thing when diabetes takes a back seat. When it doesn't occupy your entire life or thought process. At least, I think it is. It's good when it fits into your life rather than your life fitting around diabetes.

That is, of course, as long as you're still maintaining decent control. Oh, the odd time being high isn't a problem. But when it becomes weeks on end, that's bad.

Very, very bad.

I tested tonight after dinner and got 9.4 (169 mg/dl), which is a tiny bit higher than I like to be after meals. But then I thought, "Hmm, you know, I think I've been high all day." So I checked (I woke up really late this morning):

11:00 - 7.3 (131 mg/dl)
1:30 - 9.2 (166 mg/dl)
5:30 - 12.7 (229 mg/dl)
7:00 - 13.6 (245 mg/dl)
9:00 - 9.4 (169 mg/dl)

Man, that's not good. Then I looked at my average over the past 30 days and saw that it was 8.5 (153 mg/dl). Last I checked in I was trying to get it below 8.0 (144 mg/dl) ... And when I look back, I have days and days on end that look like the above.

Sure, taking a back seat is okay, but not such a back seat that the only time I think about diabetes is to do a correction when I'm high.

And even worse, I'm not feeling any huge motivation to get back on track. I get an A1c done in less than a month and will be curious to see what damage I've done.

I'm in a slump, diabetes-wise. And my blood sugars aren't horrible high or anything (well, except the multiple times in the past few weeks I've forgotten boluses ...), but they're still high enough it's definitely not good.

I'm not sure how to get motivated again. I'm not even sure why I'm so unmotivated. It might have something to do with the fact that for the past two years I've been trying to get my A1c to below 7. Now, for the past three times it has been below 7. So what now? Obviously, I need a new goal, otherwise I'm going to keep slacking. I feel like I'm back in university, doing one of those courses where I know I'm going to pass no matter what I do, and so have no motivation to write that paper.

Maybe my next A1c will be above 7 again, but what if it's not? Really? I mean maintaining really tight control is so much work. I get tired of it sometimes and slack off like I am now. And I'm not having any lows, which is bad because it makes it so easy to stay here, especially since I'm not high enough that I feel bad physically (except when I forget to bolus).

Anyway, I must find motivation. Maybe actually manually recording things would make me think about all of this more. Right now I just download from my pump and don't even look at the results in detail (except that for the last few weeks I haven't even done that). I'll bring a notebook to work tomorrow and start doing that.